My Purse (And How It Relates To The World)

My purse really did bite my best friend. Megan (only I call her Meggie Mango), was searching for a pen. All of a sudden she gave this short little shriek and yanked her hand out. The were two little bite marks on her hand.
My purse has recently died. Sort of. A strap broke, anyway. I usually have about fifty pens and pencils and Sharpies and Expos and the like (the like referring to the spoon in my unused cellphone pocket and the bulldozer in Extended Compartment 34) in there, which is probably why it broke. My mom always tells me that my purse is ridiculously heavy. I am not willing to give up on it, so as a temporary remedy I have taken a hairpin and pinned on the strap and emptied about half of the junk out of my purse until the time arrives when reparation services are available.
The relating to the world part: I fear that, much like my purse, I am becoming rather... ah, negative, to say the least. I don't want to bite people, as people are disgusting. but I'm really starting to hate people. They're nasty. They're collectively and generally stupid (this being part of Paige's Theory of Inherent Stupidity, stated as such: "All people are inherently stupid." The contents of this theory include the collective stupidity of groups-- the larger the stupider--, how it applies to the individual, and how people merit a personal exception. I suggested that she right a book titled, "Fighting the Stupidity Within". She enjoyed the idea.).

I conclude.